SHE MAKE THE DECISION!!

Finally she had made her mind,but unluckily the guy isn't me....actualy it would be a lie if I said I dont felt anything,mayb abit frustrated..wuwu~ T_T...but its ok,cause this time its not as hard 2 take as the past day cause I had redha with the fate...I respect ur decision n mayb you wasnt 4 me..sob2 :((..cause I belive in effort n doa comes first before fate...n I had put my full effort on it..but it's seems..hurm..then now I leave it 2 fate...actualy I dident know well that guy...mayb he got the things that she had dream about that she could'nt find in me...yea..plus also the advantage cause he's closer 2 her(yela ari2 dorg jumpa..aku neh dok jauh)..so the probability that she will be closer 2 him will be higher cause there will be place 4 her 2 lean on cause I can't be there 4 her..waa~ T_T...but the part tenacious and tread cautiosly..that part can be questionable cause if honestly I ask her between me and that guy who's she knows better??..hurm..sometimes I envy 2 that guy cause it seems that he dosen't had 2 put alot of effort 2 get her as I do..yea, mayb one day she will realised how much lost by putting me aside,a guy that could be patient for her,could take all the pressure,putting others girl aside,willing 2 do many things 4 her altought I never felt been appreciated,n never being her priority!!, n I bet u could'nt find easily a guy as good as me in ur entire life!!!!... but ahh!!!..nothings with this things matter's anymore..she had made her choice n her path cause we are what we choose..n now so do I..I must make a choice...n this time I choose 2 to turn 2 the other way,mayb now is the time 4 me 2 find a girl that would appreciate n giving me all her attention n priority..I just realised all this things when I read my old friends blogs...he's full of ambitions that make me realised that I dont want 2 be leaved behind..someday I will be somebody..n I'm willing 2 work hard 4 it..4 my future next 3 years plan is,I will assure that I could be choosen 4 intake 4 degree preparation engeneering student 2 japan!!mayb that sound abit silly but I will prove it!!not just by word..but by action!!..that's mean extra,extra n extra nonstop effort n work hard!!...I waste 2 much time in my past that make me regret n sometimes felt a pang of guilty to my parents to shattered their hope n 2 be differ from my others sister's that had succesful in their educations..but I'll always belive that I could done better over both of them If I put enough attention n effort in learning..this is time n chance 4 me 2 fulfil back my dream that were not reachable during my spm altought some of my dream now cannot be reachable like my engraved dream 2 be with her...hurm..but now I hope she happy with her choice,never will hold grudge agains anyone n no negative thinking neither offence,u still my friends..but I will prove 2 my selves n 2 her that I were way,way n way superbly better!!..we see which side gona gain more loses,either my side or her side!!!..just taste my courage!!..n let the time shows it!!!..I still remembered that time when I dident get any offer 2 futher my study cause I dont want 2 change my application course,I still eager 2 apply 4 mechanical engineering 4 all my application altough my spm result were not good enought..,than my mother heard there were many empty place in unimap,then she bring me 2 the intake department,at first I felt shy..but 4 future I put those aside,then go there with my mother,then the recepcionist said the application were already closed..damm,I still remembered her sorrow face of her shattered hope,I cant stand 2 saw her face like that,that all I can give 2 her??..4 all her care 4 me all 18 year,n 9 month she pregnant me(dia jugak sanggup tebal muka p tanya reception 2..wlaupun aku sniri pun sgan)altought she never had 2 do like that 2 my others sister that get many offer 2 study 2 overseas..damm..I felt superbly guilty..I cannot describe my feeling that time,its like mix of guilty,sad n arghh!!!..that time,right on the spot I had made promise 2 my selves,I said 2 my selves next in my entire life I will put all my effort that I could in my study,I gona show my true potential!!..I gona pay back cash all the tears that she had drops with her tear's of hapiness n 2 be proud of me!!!!...japan wait,here I gO!!!!!!!