Kan lebih mahal nilai air mata itu kalau jatuhnya diatas tikar sejadah,apa guna dihabiskan airmata pada si dia yang telah pergi meninggalkan ku,sedangkan kasihnya Allah tak pernah pergi jauh dariku,aku bersyukur atas segala rahmat Mu,semoga dipermudahkan segala urusanku...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Finally she had made her mind,but unluckily the guy isn't me....actualy it would be a lie if I said I dont felt anything,mayb abit frustrated..wuwu~ T_T...but its ok,cause this time its not as hard 2 take as the past day cause I had redha with the fate...I respect ur decision n mayb you wasnt 4 me..sob2 :((..cause I belive in effort n doa comes first before fate...n I had put my full effort on it..but it's seems..hurm..then now I leave it 2 fate...actualy I dident know well that guy...mayb he got the things that she had dream about that she could'nt find in me...yea..plus also the advantage cause he's closer 2 her(yela ari2 dorg jumpa..aku neh dok jauh)..so the probability that she will be closer 2 him will be higher cause there will be place 4 her 2 lean on cause I can't be there 4 her..waa~ T_T...but the part tenacious and tread cautiosly..that part can be questionable cause if honestly I ask her between me and that guy who's she knows better??..hurm..sometimes I envy 2 that guy cause it seems that he dosen't had 2 put alot of effort 2 get her as I do..yea, mayb one day she will realised how much lost by putting me aside,a guy that could be patient for her,could take all the pressure,putting others girl aside,willing 2 do many things 4 her altought I never felt been appreciated,n never being her priority!!, n I bet u could'nt find easily a guy as good as me in ur entire life!!!!... but ahh!!!..nothings with this things matter's anymore..she had made her choice n her path cause we are what we choose..n now so do I..I must make a choice...n this time I choose 2 to turn 2 the other way,mayb now is the time 4 me 2 find a girl that would appreciate n giving me all her attention n priority..I just realised all this things when I read my old friends blogs...he's full of ambitions that make me realised that I dont want 2 be leaved behind..someday I will be somebody..n I'm willing 2 work hard 4 it..4 my future next 3 years plan is,I will assure that I could be choosen 4 intake 4 degree preparation engeneering student 2 japan!!mayb that sound abit silly but I will prove it!!not just by word..but by action!!..that's mean extra,extra n extra nonstop effort n work hard!!...I waste 2 much time in my past that make me regret n sometimes felt a pang of guilty to my parents to shattered their hope n 2 be differ from my others sister's that had succesful in their educations..but I'll always belive that I could done better over both of them If I put enough attention n effort in learning..this is time n chance 4 me 2 fulfil back my dream that were not reachable during my spm altought some of my dream now cannot be reachable like my engraved dream 2 be with her...hurm..but now I hope she happy with her choice,never will hold grudge agains anyone n no negative thinking neither offence,u still my friends..but I will prove 2 my selves n 2 her that I were way,way n way superbly better!!..we see which side gona gain more loses,either my side or her side!!!..just taste my courage!!..n let the time shows it!!!..I still remembered that time when I dident get any offer 2 futher my study cause I dont want 2 change my application course,I still eager 2 apply 4 mechanical engineering 4 all my application altough my spm result were not good enought..,than my mother heard there were many empty place in unimap,then she bring me 2 the intake department,at first I felt shy..but 4 future I put those aside,then go there with my mother,then the recepcionist said the application were already closed..damm,I still remembered her sorrow face of her shattered hope,I cant stand 2 saw her face like that,that all I can give 2 her??..4 all her care 4 me all 18 year,n 9 month she pregnant me(dia jugak sanggup tebal muka p tanya reception 2..wlaupun aku sniri pun sgan)altought she never had 2 do like that 2 my others sister that get many offer 2 study 2 overseas..damm..I felt superbly guilty..I cannot describe my feeling that time,its like mix of guilty,sad n arghh!!!..that time,right on the spot I had made promise 2 my selves,I said 2 my selves next in my entire life I will put all my effort that I could in my study,I gona show my true potential!!..I gona pay back cash all the tears that she had drops with her tear's of hapiness n 2 be proud of me!!!!...japan wait,here I gO!!!!!!!


  1. study bgs2..sgh2 mak wak g unimap..:)

  2. hurm... cedey~
    post neh betui2 menusuk kalbu...
    aka atie tisu..